Blue Pulse Secrets

grrr

2011-02-09T22:12:00.001+08:00

how d h*ll am i suppose to delete this blog? hahahaha

grrr

2011-02-09T22:12:00.000+08:00

how d h*ll am i suppose to delete this blog? hahahaha

wireless? Nice...

2009-05-11T15:58:00.003+08:00

i got this e66 unit from nokia and its wifi ready. And more than timing, te nging bought a router here in their house. So that means each time im here ill be online. Weee.. Hehe.. Wait how do i upload photos here.. Hmmm..

OMG ^_^

2009-02-05T23:32:00.002+08:00

oh my gosh!!!

its been awhile since ive been here ^_^

its my younger brothers birthday today and they(together with his classmates) are having a good time outside... he was home late from school and mama wanted me to wait for them til they finish^_^ its quite silly though cuz my brother's already 19 for me to look over him.

but hey it bought me time to write this right?^_^

i was suppose to get my certificate tomorrow. my certificate for the culinary arts training that i had that was sponsored by DMFI. most of my classmates will be getting theirs at 9am. but i doubt i can make it at that time ^_^i miss them and i would looove to see em around^_^

anyway, hearts day is fast approaching but instead of thinking of me getting a date i passed it up cuz there are some far more important things that i wanted to accomplish... i just hope i acould finish them the earliest possible time ^_^

so wish me luck... see yah nxt time..

hope itll be sooner ^_^

2007-08-08T09:46:00.000+08:00

as i wake up in the morning

a smile is pasted on my face
its you that im thinking
my most beautiful grace

each and everyday is lovely
with you everything is easy
my heart is ever so aglow
ive just been needing you to know

youre a beam of light in darkness
cure and healer of loneliness
ive never really thought its true
that i ever needed was you

pahungaw :cry:

2007-05-25T17:16:00.000+08:00

i never knew how it hurts to be deceived played with when on the other hand you are so damn sincere...

it just hurts.

when youre looking at something you thought is nice. when youre thinking this might be one thing you thought you could have for a lifetime. when you thought that they are true... but they are not.......

manong, sayang eh. i gave you who i am. i always told my sister to set aside feelings of 'fallling in love' with you thinking we all three could have something so much better than what lovers have... but then iguess, im wrong...

who am i to say that anyway? maybe, yaoure looking at me differently...older than you but havent even landed on a job... but i dont see people that way. i wanna feel their hearts. but then again, im mistaken... cuz u dont have one.

i was honest with you. i never pretended. i trusted you. i was thinking we could develop REAL friendship.

it just hurts to see you so shallow. it has wounded me cause God knows how sincere i was to you... i wonder, havent you felt it???

maybe i was just wishing for that something that wasnt even there in the first place.

?! bUrdEnsUm me?!@#

2007-04-25T22:47:00.000+08:00

i was quite taken aback by what ive been through and what ive heard about... just lately... kills me... i didnt know i was/am KSP... i asked myself, was i? am i? i realized to some degree...yeah. but at that instance? no, i wasnt...

i already told lala that whenever she smokes in front of me, wherever we are, theres no asking or saying anything whatsoever; im leaving her immediately and head home... well 3 of us 4 smoked, i was like sould i go or respect the group or something... i was left with the words '' i wanna go home cuz i feel like im out of place'' since im the only 1 who doesnt smoke... and that makes me KSP? i dont know how others may filter the event but will i be judged by their system not having any idea of whats goin through my head..

i mean, he may have some point about us being open but hey people have bondaries and maybe we should be a lot more careful with the words we use.. i didnt mind being told that i was going home so early that it makes others cranky but... whatever! im not that close enough to you that you can use insulting words to tell me who you think i am.

------------------

and for once im fed up... FED UP... i love all the petty quarrels that we use to have, the arguments and all the mahay2 and the kind of friendship that we have honey... but lately youre making me tick by always making something arguable out of something that i say... and you were all making stories to make me believe what youre feeling but it all shows how shallow and pretending you are...

haaay... i love all the fun that we use to have unta... the kind of friendship we have that i never had before... but lately were not talking anything sensible anymore....

hope youll always be ok... ill miss the fun we had :(

aT faULt!?@*

2007-04-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

wat do you do wen youre the one whos done bad?
not that you intentionally did it...

i was sorry but whatever i'll say it wouldnt take away what i already did :((

how do you build trust back?
how do you show how sorry you are?
how will you tell them that it aint intentional?
that u really didnt mean to make them feel bad?
how?

my heart yearns for forgiveness...
i cannot undo my mistake...
its just too late

trip 2 a wedding

2007-04-02T12:09:00.000+08:00

a snapshot of what surigao looks like... a lot of it are fields of rice... mountains, fields again... and more fields and mountains.. whenyoure in a bus ride thats just the view for how many minutes :)

it was carmela's wedding day last 28th of march... yeah it was lalas birthday too.. it was quite numbing at the ass waiting patiently for 7hours just toget to surigao.. aheheh.. but the trip was worth it. that was one sunny day.. we ate our lunch (pic) on our way to butuan that was the view we had.. hehe

nePheW bbY ZacH

2007-02-21T07:57:00.000+08:00

i want him in my arms...

i want him back...

and its one of the IMPOSSIBLE things in my life

hearts

2007-02-19T19:58:00.000+08:00

the day of hearts? it was crazy...our zabyer friends were not around! 'lost' sila and then we lala were on the brink of going home and manong was like are you not gonna have dinner or sumthin? since were looking for some prosti to entertain us, manong goma (richard) did just that! :lol: he was fun to have around cuz he never goes out of anything to say and joke... so we did kinnda enjoy it... only i ended up being a scorer cuz manong and lala kindda 'like' each other.. so scorecards were on me that nyt... gud thing poyee and robert came around kahit late at nyt na so i have sum1 to talk to na.. hekhek.. its just that i dont wanna drink and smoke just to fit in you know... ehehehe

nyway, the day after baki was around... wla lang, nangumzta xa. we had dinner nlng pud together here at home cuz both of us havent eaten yet. hehe. u know wer we ended up? we ended up talking about almost all of the girls in his life... the girls, the love, the fun... it almost mae me crazy... naa diay lifestyle na ingana... bow na jud ko sa imo kie... were totally the opposite :lol: but i had fun listening to all his stories til midnyt : )

_+_mi famleh_+_

2007-02-14T10:33:00.000+08:00

this is us... at the back left to ryt thats my younger si lala, me, my older sister patik (thats what i call her but shes butiti..ahmm..titits! yeah titits to her friends) then of course thats papa and mama in the center and our youngest, my bro doy2...

a brief background:
papas old already, that s why we end up adjusting to him and all his shifting moods (i thot p naman thats for girls lng). mamas 6 yrs younger than papa, shes all understanding to him than us just because old n lagi daw. they both are the youngest in their families thats why we grew up with no grandparents at both sides. thats why bilin2 nlng pud n genes ang naa mi : (

nyway, our oldest patik is some kindda...uhmm... unique. to be honest i dont understand much about her. we brethren actually think shes kinda 'let it all out' and insensitive'. maybe shes just not the same to the rest of us. if u chek www.friendster.com/melissamarie i dont have a pic wid her na kami lng dalawa...but shes not the drinker, smoker type. she just doesnt do that. but yeah she occasionally drinks, but barely.

also, my younger sis emeny(lala) is my kind of confidante. we used to share so many things together and we totally know what goes on in each others lives. we have similar likes and we share a common boundary and respect for each other. not until lately where i took care of baby that we kinda had a distance. i was just busy wi baby tak and now that we both are not busy, shes kinda grew... she was like the black sheep... hahaha... she smokes(even if she has asthma), drinks, goes after guys, comes home late... i think its a matter of choice though, or maybe shes just like that. she usually ends up having a fight with either of my parents...

our youngest and only bearer of our family name is dupax(doydoy). he is much like me. hehe. he has a world of his own. he cud stay in the room all by himself... u know i see much of myself in him. he doesnt smoke, doesnt have any gf yet at 18, yeah he occasionally drinks but moderately. we also cud sumwat relate to each other..

yup, thats us! a one chaotic microcosm of personalities mixed all together following the rule of entropy.......

...mah archives...

2007-02-13T12:36:00.000+08:00

i cant believe my posts the last time... ive read my past entries and their so old, their not even true today...

first off (oitwoims), baby tak is already in new york so im left all on my own (breaks my heart)... i missed baby so much, im luvsick. i really miss him being so sweet and innocent... maybe i just love that kid so much, it hurts.. :cry:

also (guys unlimited), ongkie is not my crush anymore, he is more than that. right now he is one of my closest friends na. i have come to know the ongkie most guys didnt... for them he is someone who luvs to play games, hes naughty and funny... but i see him differently. i see the responsible ongkie. he is that strict kuya to his brethren and a loving kuya to baby justin. funny cuz he is so much more than what most people see... im glad weve come to value each other as friends. maybe he is Gods answer to my prayer na i wanna have a guy bestfriend who isnt necessarily have to be my boyfriend =)) neah, just kidding...

still (guys unlimited), tope drifted out to be someone not my friend anymore. i refuse to communicate you know. i was really hurt and disappointed. if you have read my entry before youd come to realize how difficult this is for me. crazy cuz i trusted him too much (even mama trusted him but mama didnt know this). i cant believe he tried wait... duh! like, he forced to kiss me. i feel so harassed you know. what was he thinking when he tried to kiss me? all the friendship, trust... everything! he threw it all away! he trie to xplain ryt then and there but it doesnt make sense anymore... i cant believe him...

that franz, we did went out for some time but he s just an acquaintance... that doy2? it was so crazy cuz he sent a msg to may sis lala that we broke daw cuz i didnt like him :woot: i was taken aback really cuz i didnt know we were together... duh!?

guys are funny, crazy..... whatever........ phhhbbbt!

fascinating....

2007-02-13T10:43:00.000+08:00

we were having a reunion (mama's side) and me and the rest of my cuzins were hanging out... we decided itd be a lot cooler at the bayside facing camiguin... well it really is cool! the sunset was breathtaking, it was so beautiful!... i was daydreaming of just watching it breathlessly wrapped in his arms... hmmm.. wait a minute, in his arms??? ah yeah, in God's arms :lol:...

kidding aside... really, it reminds me how beautiful life is and how grand all these creations are... incluing me of course... hahaha... bitaw oi, were all under the same sky, the same sun... so, whoever watched a beautiful sunset as this one, we share the same experience...

oitwoims

2007-02-13T09:12:00.000+08:00

since the 5th of July, i started to become a faux mom. its a totally crazy endeavor for me. though im in love with baby, the new and huge responsibility is like a pail of ice cold water poured on me in a winter night. (as if! hehe)

i didnt know that its way different pala when youre in charge of baby versus when youre a mom to a baby. ahuhu. i was really stessed. the new environment, new responsibility, new daily activities... haaay... it really took me time to adjust.

but now that i have settled for what im in, everythings cookies and cream. ehehe. i felt so hyped when i received babys sked for med exam and appearance at the embassy. or so i thought... i thought about baby leaving me and i cant help but cry...

it hurts, you know. to think for i was with baby for almost 3 months... i just cant imagine how it would be like if i was titamom (babys real mom). well, he was my happy thought way before i took care of him.

its just that baby changed a lot of me. bcuz these days im fat na. nyahahaha. joke. besides my ballooning abs, he made me realize how to take care unconditionally of someone. he showed me what love is. he showed me how to love someone even if theyre so badlongon. ) pis baby. these days i think not only of myself anymore, i always c 2 it that babys fine or done.. baby always comes first...

i was thinking if only he was mine... but hey, ala pkoy ibuhi. huhu. it breaks my heart to know that titamoms this far away from him. i know i could never fathom the love she has for baby.
being a mom, made me realize that its emotionally rewarding... i will always treasure the moments i have with baby... trying to kiss me with his 'earthworm' lips and crying if i wont, looking for me when im away, watching him sleep, baby smiling at me the moment he wakes up, him kissing me when i pretend that im asleep, him being such a fuzz, him listening to my sentiments (does he even understand?), saying his 1st alphabet... i cant enumerate them at all..
thank you baby tak. in time, youll forget me but i will never forget you. youre an angel. you are my angel.....

pUrpOsE DriVeN

2007-02-13T08:57:00.000+08:00

im not even halfaway of that bookyet but i think it has a lot of profound truths in it. thuths that has been mostly denied and if not denied, taken for granted. more than anything, we have always thought about what we feel, want, what we desire, what we get... those kind of stuffs...

but ultimately wether we get it or not it never seems enough... do you know WHY???

this books really good! : )

i'M bAcK... i canT beLieVe iT!

2007-01-03T20:18:00.000+08:00

after all those times that i was lost... hahahaha... yeah i would have to say i was..kindda.. well, we all make mistakes and i thought i never would make mistakes about choosing and being chosen...
nyway, ive been well occupied by being a mommy-mommy for a baby... i thought i t would be well easy... duh! it aint. its so much more than looking after the baby.. its taking take.. nyway, ill post the blogs that i did from friendster so that this will become the more complete one..ahehe.. this was the first one anyway, right?

whAt iT FeELs LyK?!

2006-04-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

i never knew itd be this hard.... well sumtyms things dont turn out the way u want them to.. i was just thinkin that it myt have been a lot more fun to have them around as friends.. well... i dont know.. right now, i just have to be careful... i dont wanna rush things and i dont wanna give false hopes at the same time...

im kindda torn between doin what i want and doing what He wants me to... ouch!

bEauTifuL

2006-03-24T17:13:00.000+08:00

i want this video to say it all for me!

on my own

2006-03-01T13:56:00.000+08:00

spontaneous... so here it goes

i dont think i would ever be able to explain what joy is there of being on your own... weel, that is if your contented with everything that you have... i was thinking about the impossible notion of free love and its such an ambitious task... but i was thinking if our human nature could surpass it and be able to do so, life would be so much different...

i dont know but i woke up one morning and told myself im so much happier on my own... no obligations whatsoever with another person; no love and attention at somebody else's will and youre free to do things with your own time and space. the fact that your on your own makes the notion of independence mean so much more...

i enjoy and appreciate the company and love of my friends so much more than the way i did before... i could wallow in their presence and importance so much more..

to all my friends and relatives and my family which makes life mean so much and to God who's the epitome of beauty and life to me...thank you so much... youd never know how grateful i am to have you in my life... *smiles and giggles*

BONDAGE bReAKeR

2006-01-27T10:02:00.000+08:00

if you havent read it yet... i advise you to... all the nightmares and all the fears, temptations and whatever negative feelings, irrational thoughts you have, you can put it into perspective...

as in grabeh jud nga nightmares ako naagian..i tell you. and im not even close to joking... your faith and trust is tested.. theyll try to drown you in fear, theyd try to make you desperate... ktaw.an pjud nkop 2pe efore and kantyawan... nah, kron... ktaw.i nlng ko but youd know what im talking about if youve read it...

there're no regrets about reading it... bitterness vs forgiveness is the step that got me...

and thank God... I am FREE!

JESUS CHRIST , THE BONDAGE BREAKER

-- ++GuYs UnLim!TeD++ --

2006-01-13T09:40:00.000+08:00

this is guys unlimited... from my 1st ever crush to my latest...hehehe..youre bound to silence if you read this :p

tope is one of my closest guy friends right now. hes like my support, my back-up, my latest confidante, my kachikka... the kind of guy im so comfortable with that i can stay in a room with him and go to sleep. i somehow trust him that much. i also like the fact that i can share things with him about what i believe in, both in this world and the next. but i also hate him opposing me on things i do out of impulse or how i feel, i hate him making me see things in ways i dont wanna... thats why all in all, hes great. i know hes some person i can grow with spiritually...

alexis is my crush since junior(?i cant rmember well) in college. hes my classmate in physics2 and it was a summer class. hes the rasta type i like; with those long curly hair, tanned skin, tattered jeans and all. hes the laid back type...AND...older than me! nyahahah.... so hes kindda my 1st ever crush in college (that i still do admire until today) as in! we used to be quite early for our 730am class that wed chat our time away. so thats how it started. ahehe... we still communicate til today and we have a bet that whoever gets to marry 1st has to give something to the 1 who marries later ;) we still werent able to figure out what that something woud be anyway.

ongkie is my crush in the latest months before me and neil became an item. i really liked him before. im really attracted to him and all. we renewed friendships when we chatted onlyn without even knowing that were classmates in highschool. so i was like 'oh my God!?@# aheheh.. i was so into him that tears welled up in my eyes when i knew he has so many girls ;p wahahah.. nyway, whats the use of a handsome face and a great personality but to be admired, right? so, i still do admire him.. and for now, it starts there and ends there. whahaha, disclaimer.. bleh!

my guy of admiration in highschool, (gosh, 1st time i confessed) was rene :p. i dont admire him to the extent that i wanted him to want me. i just admire the qualities that he has..i find him quite responsible, intelligent, strong-willed; maybe he shows me the kind of qualities i wanted to have. i saw him as a leader,somebody id look up to, a model...

well, if my real crush in highscool has to be mentioned it was john v. i saw him dancing during our prom nyt and everything was erased! it was just him, the music and me...wahahah... i saw him lately and he still keeps rockin the hottest outfits!

in gradeschool, hahay...ok, contrary to popular belief, its not kirby! ok? kirby does naughty things that makes me squirm with inis and he makes me cry coz hes so kulit and since hes my classmate since 1st grade that gave me 6yrs of kakulitan...huhuhu...

nyway, it was ian dave...yeah, yeah... everyone says he looks good with fritzie that i kept it to myself. nyahahah.... hes the latest kid in 5th grade so he caught my attention. he stood up for me when Tbak(Cromwell) challenged me to a duel. so it made me feel special. he was always nice to me too...

ok so, back to present days, i had this latest acquaintance franz whos a friend of ongkie. we talk about certain things and i havent even seen him yet... but he reminds me of how exciting it is to have a new friend..

fine, so my crush jud these days...oh my god..do i have to say this? ok, whatever, is our new neighbor doy2.(of course not my baby bro) hes our new neighbor who just moved in with his aunt and uncle.. hes so sweet and cute... looks good too and..basta oi, ulaw explain! nyahahah... hes really cute...bow! ;p

!!! cHemSoC xmas ParTay !!!

2005-12-19T11:28:00.000+08:00

grabeh nto....as in we have a fairy theme for out party and i dont know the hell what to wear... and i dont have the money already coz i was way busy buying and spending for my proposal.. to . huhuhu..i never really wantedattend nah...i was thinking maybe i can borrow any flowing,floor length skirt from anybody...and luv tlga nila ako..

tope, suggested sumthing really cool..like wearing a silk nightie and some flower on my hair and some glitters and accessories will do... i was dying to do just that..and he helped me out by buying me that pink nightie to wear...aheheh..thanks tope! youll never know how thankful i was...

i ended up wearing a glimmer tatto on my fac e with short angel wings and emeny did my hair... but i didnt let it all out coz we have priests as guests...aheheh...

also, tricks wore some really cute outfit and some of my other friends... boob.C was so madame and boo.T dropped by to see us...
neil also gave me my most wanted penshoppe wallet..ahehe.. i was his kringle daw kasi.. thanks neil...ill rmember you by it..

haay... ongkie also checked me wat time ill be home... thanks kie...i was oh-so-fine nman eh....

...pArEnTs...

2005-11-30T09:58:00.000+08:00

i know you wouldnt understand me but... staying away from home makes life a lot better though harder but a lot better...

i am just quite sorry for myself for not being able to help my younger siblings just yet... im really sorry for not being able to choose my parents and im so sorry to have lived with the evil acts he had done.. im serving no evil... ever!

hmmmm.... i dont know... my lifes gonna change a lit bit more these days ill post if ill still have the means...hahah...

peace!

--#@CRAZY@#-

2005-11-25T09:20:00.000+08:00

getting dizzy over my upcoming proposal for thesis this december 10... i already have a topic from my mentor sir poks... its all about the determination of fatty acids epa and dha from i dont know what fish yet... i have to go to the beareau of fisheries today and check out the most produced or cultured freshwater fish or something...

nyways, i had fun with the unlimited text i registered in since most of my friends are unlimited too... from neil, tricks, alexis, ongkie, jovanne, archie, taweng,tewang archie and my sis emeny are all unlimited!!! hahahah...well that was last tuesday...bleh! ; )

our upcoming xavier days is one of the things im looking up to...

til next...

...me WEDnesday...

2005-11-13T19:20:00.000+08:00

Went to school today so I could experience a faster net connecton and to end the monotony I experience here at home.

I loved the school. I love the attentiveness of guys that caught my eyes. Hahah. Maybe because I just feel quite comfortable with my clothes…

To my disappointment, neil’s at his home and tricks got some engagement during lunchtime so I looked out to some other opportunities. Good enogh, weng was available. I went to SM and it was my first time ever at P.joes… aheheh… I loved it! Bad nga lang, I haven’t brought enough money to splurge… hahah… but I was full. I cant suck my tummy enough for it to look lean. Wahahah…

I also met weng’s mike and her ryan… and mart was there too….

Archie was also there and to my “surprise”, he was so sweet. I don’t know how to react!
Oopss.. I don’t know what happened but I know i'm always receptive sa mga psweet peeps! ; )

Also, jonathan was there and he gave us treat from yellow cab pizza… I loved their pizza! I just find it heavy on the pocket though but people doesn’t seem to care just because they have jobs… and I don’t…huhuh…I hate school more…

my !st EVER in DAVAO city

2005-11-12T08:59:00.000+08:00

have you ever seen a 'sea of mountains'? thats not much of a site here in the philippine coz most of the time were surrounded by the bay area... imagine 7107 islands... thats pretty much of a coastline...

well for the first time i have seen a sea of mountains... anywhere you turn your head is mountains... for me, it was so cool! hahah.. the horizon not that of the sea but rather a landscape of mountains... with fogs and different shades of green... it was majestic! i cant help but think its a mirror of Gods grandness...

nyways, i was quite disappointed that my friend-slash-chatmate in davao wasnt able to come up with a common time with me, rr, if youre reading this... you owe me! hahah... he was quite busy of his thesis and it was their system check time daw.. so, ok... i can relate to that...

also, that was my first to ever have biyahilo (whats the english term for being nauseated on a trip?) i cant be,lieve it... maybe that ford trekker is just quite small for a long distance travel.. also, their gaisano mall is way bigger than here in my city.. was so envious... not only that, the people floods around the place.. i cant believe that people there are swarming...aheheh... but the good part is a good part of the population are teenagers... so my eys feasted on every single hunk i could find! hahah

nyways, on my way home... i was thinnking bout home na... i cant help it i miss people back home you know...

NOTHING feels like home ; )

its NovemBER!

2005-11-07T16:35:00.000+08:00

what the... i only have 1 entry for october? crazy...

just got home from my outdoor escapade since we had an extended break for all souls and saints day..and for ramadan (is that ever the spelling?).. soi just got all burnt from the sun..well thats tanning but here in my place thatd mean im dark and ugly...

nyways, lately a friend of mine offered himself for a boyfriend..hes my crush but im not sure if hes a bf material or something like that for me.. he has problems bout commitment so im not so sure bout him...

also, an acquaintance archie just became a friend... hes nice to be someone you can pass your time with...i think hes nice..

its november!!! its almost CHRISTMAS! wahahahh...... i love christmas and ill post a longer chitchat bout my experiences for it...

hmmm...school starts for me too and im praying this would be my last semester in college..pray for me.. if you wanna chek me out.. its me_marie828@yahoo.com for my friendster account...

till next .... see yah!

sunday AM...

2005-10-02T16:54:00.000+08:00

what is it that you guys do on a sunday? hmmmm..... im just at home... doing research...reading.waiting for the rain so i can soak myself up....huhuhu....

nyway... gotta chek postsecret first...till next!

SLAM note(?) ENTRY... got to know who else... ; )

2005-09-29T09:45:00.000+08:00

its one slam note i found and though its quite meticulous i think ill give it a shot:

Hi, I’m Melissa Marie M.

At home, I am called
Memmie, ‘te mems, mong2, and imune

And my friends’ pet name for me is
Melise (grade school), mems (in highschool), mimis(college)

But my ultimate favorite nickname would be
Mems (since my family closest relatives and friends call me that)

I was born on July 23 at NMRTH (northern Mindanao regional? T... h for hospital…)

I am the 2nd child in the family.

My zodiac sign is LEO

I live at reyes village subdivision, bugo, cagayan de oro city

I am currently trying to finish thesis so I can get over school… bow!

I’m really good at dancing just to have fun, reading and writing to pass the time, and do bad art…wahahaha…

My Firsts!

My first ambition: my first soiree:
To be a nurse… wahaha junior senior prom! I know…

My first sport: my first slumber party:
I have !? badminton…. At tita moms place

My first real purchase: my first big party:
Some candy with a free my 1st bday party…
Gold ring (bobot)

My first cd: my first crush:
I had it burned! Was it ian dave? In 5th, 6th grade…

My first out-of-town trip: my first phone call from a boy:
In iligan city a classmate for some assignment in junior hi

My first friend: my first kilig moment:
I believe its my sister! when ian (my crush then) defended me from a bully
(Tbak who turned out to be of my closest in hiskul

My first make-up: my first suitor:
Johnsons pure essentials let me put it this wasy…E**** was the first
Face powder guy ever to ask if he could come visit me at
home

hahay.....

2005-09-28T16:35:00.000+08:00

like i used to love and enjoy staying at home... and now that i ran out of activities and things to do to have hve... im just damn bored! my gosh for the first time i really, really wanna get out and have fun... so much about having enough huh?

nyways, staying here makes me sick too coz neil always keeps in touch and that makes me miss him too... huhuhu.. like what am i suppose to do? tell him not to keep in touch? thatd be impossible.. wahahah...why do i still care about him? god knows... even if hed have another or ill have another, i know in my heart id still care about him!

thats what real friends are for, right? just say its right! k?

hahahah....

i forgot!

2005-09-05T10:53:00.000+08:00

like i have really forgotten this account till now... hahaha...nyways, im currently looking for something to post coz others i just dont wanna... so till next...

just yesterday

2005-07-14T11:50:00.000+08:00

Just yesterday, I thought about my X and me…. I was thinking htat if we are to remain friends, I really, really need some space and time to accept the fact that we are friends and nothing more. I thought about ‘us’ a chance but the said its ok for him that we’d remain friends… I t made me think that this is really it…were friends and nothing more.
To think about not having him ‘ever’ is really difficult. Since he’s become my boyfriend, ive shared so much of who I am and it took so much of me to do that that doing everything differently in a snap seemed impossible….though I know it isn’t!

Hahay…… I still think about some activivties and wanting them to be shared with him. When im alone, I think about keeping in touch with him cuase I know he’d be there as long as he’s available. When im with my phone, I still expect him to keep in touch because he does… basta!

I mean it never really is easy to give up something that you’re so used to and you thought is your comfort zone. Its like “im twisted coz one side of me is telling me that I need to move on, on the other side I wanna break down and cry” basta, maybe ill paste here nlang the entire lyrics of the song ‘burn’ and ‘I love you goodbye’. Aheehe. Corny! Those songs just like represent a big part of howi feel right now or something!

I just hope that someday sana id look back at this time and tell myself, ive made the right decision. No regrets. I mean, you know, part of him is great, understanding, sweet, bestfriend who knows so much of me which I desire, cathect, love, want and thirst for so much… and part of him is an insensitive, confused, immature and sexually aggressive guy that id run away from… and I don’t wanna be devirginized, hhurt and emotionally battered by someone…hahay…. How ironic can this get?! I just wish hed stop asking if theres ever a chance that wed be together again coz everything always hurt the same way it did when he left me………………………………| (

d8 2 rmember (?)

2005-07-13T11:29:00.000+08:00

i went out with a classmate of mine in high school and i had a blast... it was cool coz i was comfortable with him and we watched this really cool movie.... i loved that movie... nyway that freind of mine is nice...we had so much to talk about and hes really open and independent and has a nice stand or philosophy if you may in life...wish i could get to spend some time with him again....hes going away kasi.....hmmmm.....talking bout almost having a nice friend for good....

Penis HEALTH & FITNESS

2005-06-22T14:02:00.000+08:00

THIS GOES OUT TO ALL MAH HOMIES OUT THERE! HOLLA BACK YALL!
You see, I was able to watch an episode of the late night show with conan o’brien and he has a male doctor for a guest and their topic is about THAT!... I was like what? As if it has fitness or something…hahah…though I know at least 2 orgasms each week should help all adults health, health and fitness? Of a penis?like duh!?@
And yes it is…the penis actually age independently of the male boy…bwahahaha… that’d mean, you may be 25 but your penis is 63 years old… nyahahaha… oooppss.. ok so, please guys…take care…I tell you…take care!
All this SMOKING and DRINKING largely contribute to the aging of the penis…see, if the penis is fully engorged (ouch! 4giv me, im conservative daw : P), how much blood flow there is actually determines its health. Remember how those two vices contribute to the blocking of the veins and arteries?
So if you think smoking and drinking is real cool…think again… please…save the penis…hahahah…I mean, what girl likes to have fun with a 20 year od hunk who has an 80 year old penis? Ugh! Nightmare…ahehe…
I mean, see the brighter side f it, imagine youre 50 and still has ‘its’ health that of a 25? That’s just fascinating right?
If I were you, I would be a lot more careful about the health and fitness of ‘it’.
Ok dumbbells….here we go…. Hahahaha….

LOVE is not just a FEELING

2005-06-22T12:01:00.000+08:00

im a big fan of scott peck and I just remembered one of his definitions of what love is not . Most of the time im on his side and yeah, I support this idea. I always believed that ‘genuine love… implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom! And im so damn glad somehow ive done that in my previous relationship. I gave him my commitment that’s why I never did let him go. Love is volitional, it’s a matter of choice for me…and of course, I wanted to find that somehow in a guy… I know I will in the future!
See, when my X saw his “first true love in high school”, he was so overwhelmed by his feelings that he’d let me go and I realized that’s just the opposite of what true love is for me. For me, true love is a committed thoughtful decision and everything I did for us at that time, I did in the name of my commitment and choosing the best way I could think of…
So, whatever is in store for me in the future, I know it’d be for the best. So id like to heal for now and if healing would mean not seeing him for days to come id do so; so I could avoid pretty follies I usually commit whenever he’s around. It’s just that I fool my mind into thinking I still love him, but I know my hearts just infatuated with him.

SORI C2ATION

2005-06-22T11:56:00.000+08:00

This time im just crying cuz I am so sorry and really very sorry to see and think about this happening to my X and me. Im really very sorry. L
Its just that I don’t want him to cry for me. I don’t think I deserve it. Though im glad he realized it somehow (bout everything he did b4) I don’t want him to cry over it. Really!
Im not just ready for any relationship with him or with anybody right now. Its so hard for me to see him like that….pangit kau! Pangit jud kau n story!
Nyways, we chatted online for a short time and he was sorry about sharing daw everything and I can see hes not xpecting anything n… so… maybe I just have to leave things like this… & maybe we just need to experience new people in our lives before really saying that we are for each other…maybe…coz honestly I don’t wanna…
I feel like as if I want him to wait for me and I know he wont and I know somehow its not the wisest idea. I know we just have to move on and see in the future…If ever we have a future…
He just sent an SMS: choice btaw jud n2…pero ang choices depends s situation…basta…time will come…friends lang gud t ron…heal…
I don’t think that’s my X, I think that’s God telling me the best way to do things for now… HEAL…HEAL… L J

(Hey, I think that’s d 1st tym he said sumtin ryt! Hahah! :P)

VIRGINITY &ME

2005-06-21T14:00:00.000+08:00

Ok, whatever moral issues are there bout virginity, I don’t care…hahaha… theirs is just pretty hard for me to debate about and I don’t care the hell! ;)
You see, for me, its so simple. I keeping it just because im still not ready for all the responsibilities that comes with its consequences. So if im not ready, id rather not do it.
When the penis penetrates the vagina the possibilities are infinite! I tell you… it is! Bwahahah… I mean, it may be heaven (for some.. I think I still need to verify that myself anyway) for a short period of time but I wouldn’t, just wouldn’t do that for a lifetime suffering of unprepared ness… to raise a child, to have no money, no food, no husband or father, no house, no career…ugh! Like, if I was the kid id hit my mom right in the head! Hahah… what was she thinking when she took all the risks…
I know I sound idealistic but then abortion is not an option for me… and im not just doing it for myself, im doing it for my family, my future family and kids…
Virginity, pregnancy, sex, whatever it is are pretty simple issues. It’s just a matter of acting out the responsibilities that are attached to it. And I think those responsibilities and consequences are huge enough that id pass as for now.
But when im ready…watch out! Hahahah… bleh!

B4….oh, till NOW?

2005-06-21T00:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I really went to church since I felt the need for communion. So I went there and felt like being told ‘thank you for being truly happy even if My will hurts for you…’ and just that thought completed my day… more so, before I went out of the church and to my surprise –ngk—was there… wow! That turned my day upside down and I don’t wanna know why…hahah… I just think he’s a lot of fun and a sight to see… ahehe…ssshhh…
Nyways, today I went to school to attend mass (again) and its cool coz my X decided to attend too and later he was all over the place just to help me coz I was bleeding, literally…hahaha…(my period dw!) my cute outfit ; ) just got pangit… but that’s ok, its just a matter of composure…bleh!
That’s not the highlight of the day obviously, on my way home I get to ride (as in abay h!) with –ngk--! Gosh…. Imagine my delight. Eheheh… I mean, I just enjoyed our conversation and his company (as usual) and not to mention Ian dave who was there too… its really great catching up with him and all… that’s two great guys in one night. Hahah.
HHMMM… SMILES & GIGGLES…

the jouney begins

2005-06-17T04:15:00.000+08:00

oooohhhh..... the start of a new beginning.....ahehehe....i was just wondering cuz im new here and my posts will come up as soon as ill figure them out....hahah....well lifes beautiful in so many ways and i intend to keep them in history thru blah blahs here.... have a great journey guys!

yesterday

2005-06-16T13:08:00.000+08:00

like its been a while since my X broke up with me and yesterday we went out as friends this time and it feels good u know.... and it doesnt at the same time... i find our friendship interesting cuz were close than most of my friends are but... it starts and ends there...nothing more.... just hope that id be able to get over him (ASAp) cuz i cant be the best kind of friend to him if im still hurt bout what he did before... : (

Blue Pulse Secrets

grrr

grrr

wireless? Nice...

OMG ^_^

pahungaw :cry:

?! bUrdEnsUm me?!@#

aT faULt!?@*

trip 2 a wedding

nePheW bbY ZacH

hearts

_+_mi famleh_+_

...mah archives...

fascinating....

oitwoims

pUrpOsE DriVeN

i'M bAcK... i canT beLieVe iT!

whAt iT FeELs LyK?!

bEauTifuL

on my own

***BONDAGE bReAKeR***

-- ++GuYs UnLim!TeD++ --

!!! cHemSoC xmas ParTay !!!

...pArEnTs...

--*#@CRAZY@#*-

...me WEDnesday...

my !st EVER in DAVAO city

its NovemBER!

sunday AM...

SLAM note(?) ENTRY... got to know who else... ; )

hahay.....

i forgot!

just yesterday

d8 2 rmember (?)

Penis HEALTH & FITNESS

LOVE is not just a FEELING

SORI C2ATION

VIRGINITY &ME

B4….oh, till NOW?

the jouney begins

yesterday

BONDAGE bReAKeR

--#@CRAZY@#-